No one enjoys the process of trying to find a new job. Whether you’re out of work, or just looking to get out of the hell-hole you spend most of your waking hours in, job-hunting is often soul-destroying, tedious, and time-consuming. So here are some thoughts that anyone looking for a change of career will be familiar with.
21 Thoughts Everyone Has When They’re Looking for a New Job
1. Ooh. £55k a year, plus benefits? Screw it, I’m not even slightly qualified, but I’ll apply anyway. You never know.
2. Yes, I can totally do this job! Oh. They want a minimum of five years’ experience in that industry. Well, that’s me out.
3. This advert doesn’t actually say what the company is. Or what it does. Not applying for that, I might get sold into slavery.
4. I’ve applied with them about five times before, but who knows? Sixth time lucky, maybe.
5. Crap. I spelled my name wrong at the end of that application… That can’t be a good thing.
6. Can I just use the same cover letter for all of these? They’re basically the same, and cover letters are such a pain to write.
7. WHY? Why do you need me to fill in a six-page application form? All of this information is on my CV, can’t I just send you that?
8. Oh, another missed call from a recruitment agency who will contact me once, promise me the ideal job, then I’ll never hear from them again. Brilliant.
9. I really ought to cut my CV down to fit two sides, but I NEED that stuff about volunteering in Belarus, it’s the only interesting thing I’ve done.
10. Oh. They’re always looking for people, which is meant to be a bad sign. No thanks.
11. God damn these job websites – what was my password for this one? Why didn’t I just make them all the same?
12. Who should I use as another referee? Can I use my mum, and just change her surname?
13. There must be someone I could pay to do all of this for me.
14. I’m not exactly passionate about property maintenance, but I’d better make it sound as if it’s all I ever think about.
15. ‘Why did you leave your last job?’ What’s a good way of saying, ‘Because my boss was an idiot and I wanted more money to put up with his crap?’
16. Do I know anyone who can get me a decent job? Nepotism seems to be the way forward.
17. Ah, online assessments. My favourite…
18. I should probably look into the company a bit more… meh. I’ll do it if I get an interview.
19. What’s another word for, ‘Hard-working’? I’ve used, ‘Industrious’ too many times already.
20. ‘Advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office essential’. I know how to use Clip Art, and I can make things bold. Close enough.
21. Hooray! Interview! Oh God. What if real me isn’t as good as paper me?