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5 Reasons the Aliens haven’t contacted us.....

5 Reasons the Aliens haven’t phoned up yet…

First encounters are often quite awkward. An army of pizza delivery men could personally attest to this. Incidentally, I’ve never had my pizza delivered by a woman. I must be black-listed, or something…

Yes, awkward. A word that we wouldn’t naturally assign to our as yet unmet extraterrestrial brethren. Nonetheless, I think an intergalactic super-species might be a tad embarrassed upon greeting us with a friendly “hello”, and getting our maths homework in response. Conversely, we might feel slightly deflated that our long-awaited alien friend turns out to be a primordial slime from Europia. It’s more awkward for the slime really.

Yet all this is conjecture. And look! More conjecture up ahead! Lucky you. The following list is ranked from most likely to least likely. If you’re beginning to wonder what authority I have to make such a list, I studied philosophy and you’re a baboon for reading this far.

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